In a previous blogpost, I published an article about the 6 signs to know you’ve fully been sheltered from the outside world. That post is currently the most viewed essay on my website and so I felt the need to add a few more tips to help anyone interested it this topic or people who find it relatable. With this blogpost, I am going to share some helpful tips and expectations a person can practice overcoming this reality on a journey to become a mature adult. Please note that this could be a long and stressful journey but can also be beautiful if you stick to the goal of finding yourself.
Start by Learning How to Express your Feelings
When you feel socially anxious or awkward in a social setting, you usually end up staying quiet especially when you feel you have nothing to offer in the conversation. If you end up feeling like you’re about to lose it for not knowing where to begin, allow yourself to find the words to express how you feel to your present colleagues. If they are people you can trust, voice out how overwhelming the conversation is and take a break if you need to. Sometimes, having your own valid excuse helps others to respect your feelings. They will either spend some time talking you out of it, help you understand their discussion, or give you the break you need. Either way, letting them know what’s going on with you is going to help them understand you and give you the space you need. That way, you can always rejoin them in any group conversation moving forward without feeling too awkward next time.
I once went blank in a social gathering when I couldn’t understanding how people engaged with each other for the life of me. I let my anxiety take over me and decided to leave the scene without explaining myself. I promise you, it’s not a good route to take when you want to work on your social skills. You don’t necessarily need to explain yourself to anyone but doing that with the right people will help you gain some useful social skills. With that being said, I would encourage you to deal with your social anxiety by engaging with people who are understanding and considerate. Not everyone can relate to your situation, so you may come across as strange to people who just don’t care to help or simply don’t understand. Either way, it will help you toughen up because that’s the basics of adulthood. Not everyone will give you the same treatment.
Not Everyone Will Go on This Journey With You
This is one of the most stressful parts of figuring out your sense of self. When you begin to do things you’ve never done out of your own interest, some of your own family members and old friends will start to act weird around you. They may start to accuse you of being pressured or even remind you of what you’re supposed to be. They react with fear towards your new sense of ownership over your own life. They sometimes tell you you’ve changed with a negative connotation behind it, but they only want you to be the same naïve person for their own gain. For example, a guardian who never allowed you to go to the movies with friends will be confused about you doing that now. They might even still try to stop you from seeing your friends as an adult. Trust me, the controlling won’t stop so you might as well just do you. An open-minded person who admires you for you will be proud of your maturity and responsibility as an adult. Your old and internalized views will only push you back and decrease your efforts to figure out who you are as a person. You will be shocked of how much of what you ARE NOT when you’re finding yourself. You only know who you are through your own personal experiences. So go out there and take on some new adventures. Discover the real you. Nerve racking, but amazing and fulfilling!
Related: How to Overcome a Sheltered Upbringing (Part 2)
Unlearn Instilled & Internalized Conceptions from Your Childhood
People usually say that a well behaved young adult is a product of a perfect parent or guardian and I’m not fully in line with that thought. Older generations sometimes instill some negative views about others that younger generations have to disregard in order to accept others. I therefore believe that the young ones deserve a lot of credit for challenging their minds to unlearn unfair instilled and internalized notions about the world. As a sheltered person, you will start going through some mental shifts of ideologies that you’ll have to unlearn. This means that you’ve probably been given a lot of negative reasons to why you shouldn’t go out, play with a group of friends, etc. An example of this could be embracing a different group of people while ignoring a stereotype about them. You’ve even probably been told you shouldn’t have friends because friends are just bad, or that you shouldn’t go to the movies because you might get killed due to theater shootings. It’s always some sort of fear attached to doing anything else other than staying at home. Now, this is silly but as a kid, that can scare the crap out of you. It can also affect you a lot because as a grown up, you’ve probably internalized all that and now you’re scared to do anything, and you are literally a couch potato. Unlearning internalized notions about our surroundings and who we are allows us to learn more about others around us. It adds on to our progressive thoughts. It also opens our minds about others as well as increase our social knowledge about others. It will also increase our social skills around people outside of what you know.
Related: 6 Signs You’ve Fully Been Sheltered from the Outside World-Challenges to Expect
Start Learning The Most Basic Life Skills & More
Learn how to cook for yourself. Learn how to drive, learn how to read a map. Find something therapeutic for your mind. Learn to attend events you enjoy, learn to do things out of your comfort zone. Start speaking up for yourself. Apply for jobs you think you deserve. Learn to purchase items that YOU like. Find your hobbies. Start researching about the things you have always thought of doing. Create a bucket list. Trust me, you are now on a journey to feeling free and that’s one of the best feelings in the world. Working on finding yourself will feel new to you and may scare you, but would you rather find your own sense of peace or live out of fear and never live?
Be Responsible for Your Own Life and Experiences
Let’s look at it this way. You realized you were sheltered, and you want to do something about it. It’s been 5 years now and you still cry about being sheltered, but what are you going to do about it moving forward? Trust me, I know it hurts. I know the anger you feel and how hard it’s been. But you need to admit your truth and start working on it to get you out of this misery.
This is your life, and it is now up to you to get yourself out of your situation. No one else will get you out for you. Being aware that you are your own person and responsible for yourself will help you through the times where you feel down. You may catch yourself putting the blame and anger towards your past, but you need to put more time in putting that anger towards your future instead. Channel that energy into bettering yourself so you can be proud of your accomplishments rather than being angry at your past. Don’t put the blame on anyone. There is no special way to raise someone, so it’s important to have some gratitude towards those who raised you. Think of the present and move on from there. Use the bad memories to work on becoming the best version of yourself and be accountable for your actions as an individual moving forward.
You Will *Almost* Never Stop Learning Common Social Terms & Jokes
My anxiety goes over the roof when I catch myself is such situations. I’ve gradually come to realize that this will happen as long as I’m working on my social skills. The more I stay away from it, the worse it will get. So, once again, I’m choosing to feel the fear and do it anyway, then deal with the anxiety later, and so should you. If people tell you you must have been living under a rock, that’s the truth anyway, so what’s the worse that can happen? You will catch up eventually, but don’t lose track of yourself. You are enough at every situation so don’t forget to add that onto what you are willing to learn.
Your Experiences Will Raise You
As an adult, you will go through some real-life obstacles that will help you understand the reality of life. You will fail, fall and rise back up, lose close friends, get rejected from jobs, deal with stress, pay bills, etc. Every day will become a learning experience for you, and I believe that this is one of the best ways to overcome the feeling of being sheltered all your life.
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SHOP THE LOOK
Thank you so much for reading!
Check out how to overcome a sheltered upbringing (Part 2) here.
Check out the 6 signs you’ve fully been sheltered from the outside world here.
Check out 8 ways to start off the new year with a positive mindset here.
Check out the 20 valuable lessons I’ve learn in my 20’s (part 1) here.
Check out the 20 valuable lessons I’ve learn in my 20’s (part 2) here.
Check out the 25 lessons I learned before turning 25 here.
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Thanks for this. I’ve faced a lot of things in the past 9 years and not always easy to understand with losing jobs, being rejected from job interviews, and losing friends who ghosted me.
Author
Hi Joanne! I am so sorry to hear about your experience. Don’t give up! Please remember that the right people with give you a chance and that it’s never too late to work on yourself to accomplish your personal and professional goals. You got this!